Julia Shares Her Birth Story

So, to begin, Henry wasn’t ‘due’ until March 18th, and as a result,  throughout the majority of my labor, I kept thinking, “Surely this isn’t the real thing. He’s not due for 3 more weeks. Everyone says that you have your first baby later than you expect. Surely this isn’t the real thing…”

Jeff pastors the art community at our church and was having a big art event on Friday night called 5×15, where 15 artists of varying mediums share for 5 minutes each. I helped Jeff set up, putting out chairs, hauling big coffee carafes up on counter tops- not the sort of thing I expected to do the night I had a baby. Also, the day before, we had gone on a 3 mile hike with the dog up in Ellijay, so who knew? Anyways, about halfway through the event- say on artist #7, I guess, I started feeling a lot of heaviness under my belly. It was during a dance performance and I was so anxious to get up and stand that those 5 minutes felt like forever. Even after standing up, I just didn’t feel like I had enough space for the baby. I told someone later that evening that I felt like my architecture needed another story. That’s really how it felt. As the evening progressed, I began to feel more and more heaviness and very “full of baby,” so to speak. I also began to feel incredible anti-social. Although so many great friends were at the event, I began to feel like I honestly did not want to talk to anyone besides Jeff. It was a weird feeling. As soon as things were finished, I bee-lined it for Jeff’s office and hid. I didn’t think I was in labor at all, but I just wanted to take the weight off and get away, so I did cat/ cow poses in his office to try to relieve some pressure. I also went to the bathroom a whole lot, thinking, “Maybe I ate something weird at dinner… maybe this is just gas pain.” I was still in complete denial.

I labored in Jeff’s office for a while, then walked around and around the church, doing “powerful woman” stances and practicing my breathing. I even thought to myself at one point how nice it was that our body’s have practice contractions so that we can practice proper breathing. Practice- ha!

Eventually, I decided to drive home on my own (Jeff had followup stuff to do after the event and I insisted that he stay, no big deal, I was just going to go take a bath at home), but got stuck in construction on 400 and it took me about an hour to get home (p.s. I drove past Northside Hospital, and just kept on driving- still in denial). I started timing my contractions at this point and realized they were already about 7 minutes apart. Jeff kept calling and I insisted that this was probably just the after effects of our lovin’ the night before. Or gas… or maybe just a whole lot of Braxton Hicks. I did say at one point, “But, we might just have a baby tonight. Maybe. But probably not- the Pip isn’t due for 3 more weeks.”

Anyways, I got home and took a bath to ‘prove’ the contractions and they only got slightly closer together. Then I had a little bit of bloody show, so I called Jeff and my OB (but of course it’s about 12:30 am at this point, so I got the on-call Dr.) He said, “Okay, let’s just have you come in to the hospital and get checked out, then we’ll know if this is the real thing.” At this point, Jeff was headed home and I started packing things up, continuing to labor with my birth ball, etc. When Jeff got home, I still didn’t feel ready to go in, so we labored together for a while (the slow dancing thing was so wonderful). He put on some Bjork music, took care of the dog, and loaded up the car between contractions. He was amazing.

I rode to the hospital hugging the back of the back seat with my butt up near the dash- pretty weird thing to see for cars beside us at stop lights. When we got there, no one seemed really rushed- two other ladies ahead of me near the check-in desk were casually laboring, chatting on the phone and hanging out in their wheelchairs. I was walking around, doing stretches and low moans against the furniture. I also got really annoyed with a stupid t.v. show playing loudly in the waiting area and climbed up on a couch to turn it off. It’s funny to look back now at little details like that. We hadn’t brought any of our stuff in yet, which was fine, but I do wish I’d had my birthing ball with me.

Finally they brought me back and assessed my dilation… and I was at 9 cm!!! Jeff and I were shocked. We honestly just wanted confirmation that we were in labor at all! Everyone came rushing in, thinking I was about to have a baby any second. But I actually labored for 3 more hours until my water broke. Although the nurses and Dr. asked several times if I’d like to have my water broken, I kept saying no, that there was a reason my water hadn’t broken, that I wanted my body to take all the time it needed. They were really patient and supportive of this. At one point I did have to succumb to the nurse’s need to get a proper heart reading (which is hard to do when you won’t sit still for more than a minute). It just felt so much more natural and instinctual to be up, working with gravity, instead of the other way around. All along, I either crouched on the bed, or hugged the back of the inclined bed throughout the contractions. At one point, Jeff asked if I’d like to reconsider the water breaking at some point. I decided we would talk about it again after 10 more contractions. Well, friends, guess when my water broke? On the 10th contraction after we began counting. As soon as my water broke, I was so excited, because I had been feeling the urge to push, but they had asked me not to yet. The entire time I was at the hospital (and at home for that matter), I had been in an all-fours type of position, so the Dr. asked, “Are you planning on having this baby on your knees?!” with a little uncertainty. I said, “Yes- I’m having this baby on my knees!”

I remembered Jill’s story of hugging the back of the bed, (she was one of the other students in our childbirth class that also gave birth 5 weeks early!) so I decided that was a good strategy (thanks, Jill!). The Dr. said he had never done it that way before, but he was ready and he was so calm and willing to go with what we wanted. (Jeff said that when Henry came out, the Dr. seemed giddy and overjoyed by the whole thing- I’m pretty sure I heard him yelp with excitement to see a baby born that way. It was really amazing and my regular OB was thrilled that her on-call now has an even more positive perspective on natural labor and birth.) Jeff held my hands across the back of the bed and after 3 intense contractions of 3 pushes each, out came Henry!! I did tear just a little, because on the 2nd pushing contraction, Henry celebrated his arrival with a little up-in-the-air high five. Then Henry and I snuggled and he nursed right away while we massaged the vernix in. Oh, it was wonderful!!! The Dr. and nurses left us alone (or silently cleaned up) for a good while. It was very peaceful and calm.

I know that was a really long story, but it was truly wonderful to share. I think it is a good idea to point out all the things that Jeff did excellently, so that it will affirm Teresa’s instruction and hopefully be an encouragement to the other dads-to-be.

(1) Jeff was very calm the whole time and used a soft tone of voice. He followed Teresa’s recommendation of allowing me to stay in labor land and didn’t give me a bunch of options or ask a million questions.

(2) He asked a lot of clarifying questions of the nurses and was very firm and respectful about our intentions.

(3) Jeff prayed softly for the Pip and I at several points throughout the labor. This was very centering for both of us and I feel sure that the Holy Spirit was with us. It was an incredibly worship-full experience.

(4) Toward the end, Jeff used eye contact and low breathing along with me to help me focus on managing the pain, rather than getting overwhelmed.

(5) He was really on top of the lighting situation. If they ever needed to turn the lights up for some reason, he always ensured that they were dimmed right away. It was nice that I didn’t have to think about it myself, because it makes a really big difference.

(6) Several hours after Henry was born, they wanted to take him away to weigh him, have him assessed by our pediatrician, etc. Jeff was firm in insisting that he would carry Henry and stay for the duration of the exam. They were totally fine with it, although it didn’t seem to be the norm. Jeff was able to stay with him and give him as much skin-on-skin touch as possible and it was super reassuring for me. Henry was never without me or Jeff the whole time we were at the hospital, and that feels good.

Another little point- take advantage of the lactation consultants, regardless where your birth takes place. Those ladies are geniuses and were so so helpful. A friend had recommended bringing a book about breastfeeding with you, which we did, and that was super helpful as well. The one I have is called The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers, by Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman. It is great. With regard to breastfeeding, remember that your body is incredible. You could run a marathon every single day and it wouldn’t compare to the miracle of being able to nurse your own child, even when it’s really difficult or frustrating. Having boobs is the absolute coolest. Sorry guys.